Tryouts are over and I wish I could say I'm relieved. After all of the planning and preparation, after finding and coordinating judges, after adding scores and wrestling with who to keep, there still remains one ugly, unavoidable, and unwelcome part of this job...cutting those that won't be on the squad. This is the fourth squad I've had part in choosing and each year it has gotten worse.
The relief of knowing you finally have a new squad lasts only moments before you're forced to realize that you're crushing some girl's dream. That might sound over-dramatic to you, but do you know what it feels like to place your plans for the future in the palm of one pivotal event only to have your path turn at an unanticipated curve? I do. And I cringe knowing that I hold the power--as unwanted as it may be--to disappoint someone so tremendously. I hate knowing that. I can't stand the thought of being the cause of someone else's tears or feelings of rejection. My stomach turns at the idea of what will come from me posting that list tomorrow...one more girl being told that right now, for the pursuit at hand, she's not good enough.
On that depressing note... :) I want to publicly (albeit rather privately with my blog's small audience) thank my judges. They came from far away and spent hours helping me today, and it meant the world to me.