The Dark Side of 'Friends'

So I had a week off school. It was Easter Break and I had big plans to work extra hours and write the bulk of my final papers. Instead, I fell head-first into three books: the Breathing series by Rebecca Donovan.

If you follow me on Goodreads, you might have seen that I didn't give these books particularly high ratings. Last night as I was making dinner and missing Evan (the main male character in the books), I started wondering why that's so. I don't really have an answer other than that I got really bugged by the narrator, Emma, in every book. But aside from my personal annoyances, taking this series as a whole, I have to admit that they are masterfully written. You really saw Emma grow up through the three books. You felt her depression. You felt her fall in love. Rebecca Donovan really did an incredible job. I don't know whether I recommend these books or not; they left me mopey and moody all weekend, but I kind of love that.

But that's not actually what I meant to write about.

You see, after I finished the third book I restarted Friends.  I've watched the series countless times, but I couldn't remember what episode I had last watched. So I started over again with the Pilot. Suddenly it hit me: Rachel. Rachel had a daughter named Emma. Emma's mom's name is Rachel. If you've read the Breathing series, you know where I'm going. If you haven't read the series and you think you might want to, stop reading this post now. I'm not going to hold back on the spoilers...

The Breathing books are all about Emma, a girl who was abandoned four years earlier by her mother, Rachel. OH. MY. GOSH. The Breathing series is a story of the sad life of Ross and Rachel's child!!! Of course Rebecca Donovan renamed the other characters! Otherwise it would have been even MORE obvious.

We've always wanted to know what happened to the Friends after the finale. And now I know! So, based on the books, we know Ross and Rachel never got married. We also know that Ross died when Emma was little, and after that, Rachel went off the deep end (well, no surprise there). Rachel becomes an alchie, and she ends up leaving Emma with Emma's uncle...but wait. Ross doesn't have a brother. Of course he doesn't! To protect identities, Rebecca Donovan also changed genders. Emma didn't go live with her father's BROTHER. But instead with his only sibling, his SISTER, MONICA and her husband, Chandler. Jack and Leyla are, obviously, the twins we met at the finale of Season 10.

Now, Friends fans, this part is going to hurt. With the switching genders, I'm not sure if Monica is Carol or if Monica is George. Either way, either Monica or Chandler is super abusive and tries to kill Emma while she lives with them. Whoa.

Then, of course, in the second book, Rachel comes back to us. She's still super hot despite being a little older. Of course, we always knew that would be the case. I mean, look at Jen now.

Of course beautiful, young Jonathan would want to hook up with her. And here's some kind of good news for Rachel: she's still friends with Phoebe (she's just named Shannon in the book). Yeah, you know, Shannon who takes care of Rachel when she's drunk. Shannon that took care of Emma when Rachel was in the hospital. Of course Shannon is Phoebe. (Or maybe her name was Sharon...I don't know. I don't retain details like names when I'm reading.)

So the question on everyone's mind at this point is: where's Joey? I'll tell you. He's still just being Joey. He only makes a brief appearance in these books, and I can't even remember his pretend name. But he shows up at Rachel's poker party and starts hitting on Emma, and that's how I knew it was him.

So...anyway. Did I just spend too much time writing a pointless blog post? Yes. Should that time have been spent on schoolwork? Yes. Do I regret it? Not at all.

It's Criminal

I love to order from Barnes and Noble’s website. The books are always delivered quickly, and most of the time it’s cheaper than buying at the store. I still would rather shop for books in person, so I usually reserve online shopping for when I have a single, specific book I need to buy (like for school or Book Club). Last week, I saw that one of my favorite books was on sale for like $7 online, and since I didn’t yet own a copy I jumped right on it. As always, I got my “Scheduled to Ship” email almost immediately and the “On its Way” email shortly thereafter. Delivery was scheduled for Friday.

Friday morning I checked the tracking and saw that it was out for delivery as of 8:20am, so I was excited knowing that meant I’d have it when I got home.

Except, I didn’t.

Packages usually get left directly inside the door to our building, outside the “security gate” (that isn’t secure at all) and next to our mailboxes. I was surprised that not only was the package not there waiting but I didn’t have a “Sorry we missed you” tag or anything like that. Then I thought the UPS guy must have gotten in the gate and left it outside my apartment.

Nope.

So, I thought I’d check the tracking again. Maybe there was a note saying I needed to pick it up from a local office. But I got online and there was a delivery confirmation saying the package had been delivered at 9:55am. At this point I started to freak out a little. Now, I know we’re talking about a measly $7 book. But it’s MY measly $7 book. Packages don’t actually get stolen, right? There was probably just a mix-up with the tracking information. It would be delivered tomorrow.

But it wasn’t.

I emailed Barnes and Noble, not knowing what else to do. Then I left this note by the building’s mailboxes:

I knew if someone had actually stolen my book, a note probably wouldn’t make much difference. But it made me feel better, like I was doing something to control the situation. All day Saturday and Sunday if Zipsie barked or I heard someone walking past our door I’d glance out the peephole, hoping to see my package miraculously returned. Alas, I did not.

Last night while I took Zipsie for a walk, I called my mom to ask her if that’s the sort of thing I should report to the police. I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it, but I thought maybe it was important to contribute to a paper trail if this was happening a lot in the area. Mom suggested I contact UPS to see if I could get specific information about where the package was left and then call the local PD with the information.

Zipsie and I got home and hung out for a bit, me feeling angry and sad that I might have actually been stolen from, thinking I’d wait for an email back from Barnes and Noble before deciding what to do. This morning I woke up to take Zipsie out and opened the door to this:

No box, no note of apology explaining a mistake had been made, but my book with the packing slip inside.

For a brief moment I felt very grateful. I had prayed over the weekend that the book would just be returned, and I recognized that my prayer had been answered. But then, I felt angry. Really angry. And I still do. I brought the book inside and didn’t even feel happy looking at it. It’s like I don’t even want it anymore.

Is that the most illogical reaction ever?

And I think it’s important to point out the irony of this entire situation. The book involved?

The Book Thief by Mark Zusak

Do Worms Hibernate?

I'm wondering about book worms, particularly, for my purposes.

I had been in a really great habit of reading. Habit, hobby, whatever. But then suddenly I hadn't finished a book for two months. How did that happen? I'm going to blame it on the weather. My drive to read went into sleep mode I guess. But then something great happened...

For my Modern Africa class, we were assigned to read Chinua Achebe's Things Fall Apart. Something you should know about me: I never finished assigned books. Ever. I have this little problem where when people tell me to do something, I want to do the opposite. In my entire undergraduate career, I can remember three books that I actually finished--Dinner at the Homesick Restaurant, Love, and The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. They were all for the same Lit class (one of only a handful of classes that I ever got an A in). I guess I should have learned then that when you read the assigned material, you do better in class. But I'm a little dense in the "Learning Lessons" department.

Anyway, this particular book had been assigned in at least two previous classes--maybe three now that I think about it. I never bothered to read it. But this semester I thought it would be fun to stop ignoring the fact that I'm a semi-intelligent person capable of excelling in school and actually do some homework. So I read Things Fall Apart.

     1. It always feels good to finish a book, especially when you haven't for awhile.
     2. I can see why this book is required reading for several classes.
     3. Class is so much more invigorating when you're prepared! I even made comments and answered questions.

Yesterday I grasped onto a small reminder of what it's like to be a good student--something I haven't experienced since high school. And I liked it.