Saturday, December 19, 2009

2009...The Year of Goodbyes

It began in June. That month was a whopper, saying goodbye to Kearns where I had coached, Adiel who moved to California, and Matt who left on his mission to Mozambique. In July, I said goodbye to some of my best friends by leaving Zions Bank, and then life started to calm down. I felt settled for once, secure and welcomed, at my job in Ogden. I felt like that's where I was supposed to be. Then my car broke down. My beloved 1992 Honda Civic, boasting 330,000 proudly driven miles, a true friend til the end. With my goodbye to my baby, I said hello to a car payment for the first time in my life, along with the increased car insurance that accompanies full coverage. I soon began feeling like I was working just to pay to get to work.

On a whim I applied for a job at the Matheson Courthouse in Salt Lake. Everyone wants to work downtown, and no one ever gets hired. I had applied for more than 10 jobs at that location before getting an interview. I sat down, nailed the interview, and left feeling confident, praying that the Lord would let me get the job if I was supposed to. A week later I was offered the job and gave my two week's notice to Ogden. This part was not done without difficulty. In 5 short months I had grown very fond of my co-workers, most of them middle-aged women with kids and grandkids. I had felt, on multiple occasions, that some of them were placed in my life specifically by a watchful Heavenly Father. I knew I would miss these new friends, but felt like I couldn't pass up an opportunity to save the time and money that would come with a shorter commute.

Yesterday I said goodbye to the first job that I ever really fell in love with and to the people that graciously taught me so much about my passion--the judiciary. I wept as I drove home, knowing that I never minded the 44 mile commute and was giving it all up for money. I've never been a superficial person, but this feels superficial to me. I gather a small sort of comfort in remembering my prayer when I interviewed--that I would be offered the job if it was what's best for me. Unfortunately, what's best isn't always what's easy. I'm trying not to doubt my decision that will allow me to travel a mere 12 blocks to work on Monday. But sometimes I do.

Goodbyes are always hard, and it just pains me knowing this one was my choice.

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