Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Confession

Do you ever feel like your life is in a rut? Stupid question, right? We've all been there, done that. But gosh, I swear my life has been in the same place (a rut, a funk, limbo a la my blog title, whatever you want to call it) for seriously like 2 years. I know what the problem is... I refuse to make any decisions. No shocker there, since I've tended to lean toward indecisive my whole life. I mean, you're talking to the girl who eats nothing but club sandwiches at restaurants just so she can avoid the task of deciding on menu items. Plus...they're delicious. Nevertheless, I have avoided making any life decisions since declaring History as my major in the last semester of my Sophomore year. Sure I've pretended to make decisions. In the moment, when people asked me, "What do you want to do with a History degree?" or "What are your plans for after graduation?" I always had a pretty little answer prepared. The answer sometimes varied for the audience, but the answer was always there, regardless. But when I actually pause and think about where I am and what I'm doing, I know the truth. And quite frankly, it's a relief to declare this to all of you in my unknown cyber world...

I DON'T KNOW what I want to do with my life
and honestly, I DON'T CARE about making a decision right now

But I also know one other truth. No matter how badly I want to, when the principal at the High School or my manager at work strikes up a conversation and happens to ask about my future plans, I won't tell them the truth. I won't shout at them that I have no desire to hold that particular conversation at this particular time. I won't ask them to leave me alone and stop talking to me. Instead, the pretty little answers will return while I continue to refuse to confront life.

By the way, if any of you hear of any insane job openings... "museum curator wanted with little or no experience" or "seeking qualified aunt to stay at home all day with baby niece" or even "wanted: full-time reader to devour all new release mystery/suspense novels"... make sure you let me know.

4 comments:

Adiel said...

I love this post and I think it is perfect. I feel the same way most times, the difference being that you actually went and finished college. :P

jess said...

Maybe you should become an author? :-) Just a thought. Fictional History maybe?

demoux family said...

You make me laugh, but I really do understand. Just know that you are fabulous whether you are in limbo or not.

Kimberly said...

I think it is hard to admit that you dont have a clue what you are doing, and flying by the seat of your pants. I think I have a PLAN, but is it ok if the PLAN seems to change every day, hour, minute, or even second? I think I know what you are feeling. But it does feel good to know that my BEST FRIEND feels the same way